True Love's kiss
by LisaAbiona15
Summary: The curse does not work like the queen imagined, although her enemies are unhappy. So is Emma- who ends up in this crazy hallucination (or so she thinks) when she is 28. She rapidly learns just how real it is -but then she falls under a sleeping curse. Just imagine her parents' shock when they learn their daughter's true love is a lonely queen.. SwanQueen
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own OUAT. I suddenly got this idea, and I just had to write it. Apologies to anyone who is reading my other stories (operation save mom, can a family be a home et cetera) I promise I am still working on those!.**

Emma Swan had seen a lot of shitty and weird things in her life. One foster parent liked to collect the creepiest dolls ever- not just the ones with the big eyes and the creepy, bigger smiles but ones that had gruesome injuries. Some kids she knew from the street played a game that they called 'how long can you', and consisted of stuff like putting your hand into a fire or holding your breath or only eating one type of food. And so on. Eighteen (or actually fifteen; she had been with a family until she was three) years in the system, several years in prison and the last years working as a bailbonds person had made sure that Emma was familiar with shitty and weird.

But this was really shitty, and _really_ weird.

 _Why the hell are there trees? I live in New York, there are hardly any fucking trees and definitely not in my block._ That was pretty much the first thought Emma had when she opened her eyes again, right after the world had turned into a rollercoaster ride. Or one of those games where you run circles and then try to walk. It was right after she had wondered ' _how the Hell can I feel hangover when I didn't even drink last night?'_

To which the answer was 'you're probably dead'. At least, that is the first answer she had for suddenly standing in the middle of a fricking forest. With trees that probably had fancy Latin names she didn't know. And she hadn't really spent much time in forests , but weren't you supposed to hear birds chirping and see squirrels and have this happy, calm feeling?

Because this felt more like a horror movie honestly

 _Great. Either some jerk knocked me out and this is some weird hallicunation or dream- or there is even something weirder going on._ Emma treaded towards the first tree, carefully touching it. It was - just a tree. Nothing weird about the wood beneath her hand, nothing unusual at all.

Nothing, apart from the fact that it shouldn't _be_ there.

 _Wait. Isn't a thing you can't read time in dreams? I need a clock._ Except she was still in the middle of a forest, that somehow managed to have chills race down her spine despite the fact that the sun rays were turning the leaves pretty colors and that nice smell there sometimes is after it has rained.

There was a word for that - petrichor. Which Emma only knew, because one of the nicer families had actually cared whether she got good grades and she had gottten a dictionary and the order to learn a new word each day for christmas. Before she had been sent away, _again._

She repeated it in her head now, in a weak attempt to distract herself enough to not feel jumpy as Hell. Petrichor petrichor petrichor. She clutched her hand around her gun, carefully stepped over a branch, and strained her mind to remember something, anything to keep her from this feeling she was starting to have. She vaguely remembered one of the girls she shared a home with for a while, breaking down once. She got a bag to breathe in and she kept wheezing into it, barely able to even hold it her hands were trembling so badly.

Emma has that feeling now, and it is _weird._ She isn't easily scared. And for all the running she has done, she is far more likely to react to something scary with punches, than she is to run. So why the fuck-

 _Fuck Fuck Fuck_. The gunshot is unnaturally loud in this place, and Emma's hand is sort of trembling so even if she managed to shoot in the direction of _that_ sound, she probably still hasn't hit whatever horror monster made the so-

She stumbles back, and rests her back against a tree. Still clutching the gun, she tries to remember what the people used to say to the girl prone to panic attacks. Breathe in deeply? Breathe through your nose and hold it? She is trying any of these when she waves her arm wildly and only barely manages to keep in a scream at the sound repeating.

 _What is that?! It sounds like the goddamn Spinosaurus roar from Jurassic- Oh gods, no._ Emma kind of felt like choking on air while at the same time laughing hysterically, before she reminded herself that 'that sound is probably not even what a real spinosaurus makes. We have no idea what dinosaurs sounded like. Also- the likelihood of there being dinosaurs somewhere is probably really tiny'.

Which of course left her with some creature that sounded like a large, carnivarous animal, trapped in the middle of a forest that was somehow creepier than every scene from The Ring.

She looked at the gun in her head. _Okay, pros of turning the safety pin on: not accidentally shoot myself, and possibly even kill myself. Cons of turning the safety pin on: possibly being eaten by some sort of nightmare._

She sighed, then slowly turned it off before creeping forward. It is ridiculously difficult to not just start running and never stop running, or at least not stop until she is far away from whatever hellhole this forest is in. But she is pretty sure that would be stupid. It never saves the people in horror movies anyways.

She is not sure whether she prefers this deathly silence to the spinosaurus roar. It might be a bit of a tossup, really. So she starts to try to distract herself again, naming random facts she happens to know (she once had to stay a couple of days in a library and she read a lot to not focus on how damn _cold_ it was)

 _Last shake o' the bag is Victorian slang for 'youngest child'._ Emma tightened the hold on her gun whenever she passed another large tree, despite the fact that they were seemingly absolutely ordinary ones. She also made sure to never actually come too close to any roots- as far as it was possible, of course

There were really too many fucking roots here. _Predicting the death of Henry the eighth was punishable by death._ She snickered once, then nearly jumped as she could swear she saw something move. She quickened her pace, careful to watch the ground as she moved through the forest.

She thought she saw something, something that looked suspiciously like a house. _Ancient Greeks declared their love for a woman by throwing an apple at her. Please let that be a house, of someone who has like a machine gun or a tank or whatever is needed to kill that thing behind me._ She quickened her pace even more, until she was nearly running

She felt her heart rate speed up even more when her foot got caught by something. The moment she felt the wet earth beneath her hands- and heard the spinosaurus roar or whatever it was- she pushed herself up and sprinted the last distance between her and the house.

 _Vultures can turn a dead body into a skeleton in under five hours. Great, I just made this even more freaky._ She nearly slammed into the door, pulled with all her weight and immediately slammed it close when she was inside. Which was when she slowly turned around, _I need a table or something else to barricade this door_ \- and-

Stared at , well everywhere really. The walls were chocolate - not just a pattern, but actual chocolate. Chocolate with silver little balls that had her stomach rumble softly. _What the -_ she spat out the handful of candy she had immediately taken from a table next to her, discovering it was stale and kind of gross.

She was just debating whether being in this weirdass place was better or worse than facing whatever was outside when there was the familiar sound of glass breaking and she only barely managed to avoid being killed by a flying stone. She automatically allowed herself to fall, and pretended to be unconscious.

As soon as she heard the footsteps, she lurched and half-slammed the person against the wall. Only to immediately loosen her grip when she realized it was just a girl with a fierce scowl and-

" Kid! Jesus, stop that " she explained when the girl immediately tried to kick her. She darted backwards, holding up her hands. " I am sorry I grabbed you, but you don't need to hurt me".

"Leave us alone! " she snarled. Emma quickly grabbed her hand when she tried to put another stone in the sling she had in her hand. " Hey, don't use that thing on me. That's lethal, you know".

The girl snorted. " That is the _point_ ".

"Surely you're not just going to kill a stranger?"

" You're no stranger. I know what you are?".

" _What_ I am?".

" Yeah. You're one of the queen's guard, meant to keep my papa aware from me" the girl was good at pretending to be careless, Emma would give her that. She was just not good enough; Emma noticed the slight wobble in her voice.

Before she could find some way to comfort the girl, she rolled her eyes and said "Don't think the foolish garments will make me think you are just a traveller".

" I think I might be actually" Emma said, slowly letting go of the girl. She glanced at the sling. " Can you put that away?".

" No".

" Okay, fine, just don't use it on me".

" I am not swearing to anything, I still believe you are a guard".

" If I am a guard, why am I just talking to you and not doing anything? And really, who is this queen".

She is kind of insulted by the girl's expression, but she is also kind of amused. " The _queen._ You know, the reason the whole enchanted forest is unbalanced and these things keep- ".

" Wait, _enchanted forest?_ ".

Emma still thinks this is all not real. Surely it can't be.

The girl - Gretel, and what the _fuck_ \- sighs. " Hey!" Emma snaps, rubbing at the sore spot on her arm where she just got pinched really hard. The girl just shrugs and leans back against the table.

"It is all real. We're really here".

" In a cursed land- ".

"Realm, yes".

"Where there is a queen who has magic, which is a thing here- ".

" Well, not really. Not anymore- the queen controls all the magic now" Gretel frowns. " I think she even controls the magic of all the villains".

" Because that is apparently a thing she can do. And this queen has also given everyone amnesia".

" I am not sure about that part. It is kind of extremely dangerous to go anywhere- with all the curse has changed- but I think some have forgotten everything and some have had their memories replaced completely? ".

"Yeah, _sure._ If that is the case, why do you still have your memories".

Gretel clenches her jaw and looks away. " The queen wanted me to live with her. I think this is supposed to be a sign she would be kind to me. And- never mind".

" No, tell me. If I am stuck in this hallucination, I may as well hear everything".

" It is not a hallucination".

" None of this is possible!".

" If it isn't possible, how come it is there?".

" I hit my head. I am probably in a coma or whatever".

" In a what?".

" A coma. It is - " Emma tries to think of a proper metaphor, and finally shrug and says " It is like sleeping, but far deeper".

Gretel nods. " Sleeping curse, got it".

Emma rolls her eyes. " Not everything is about curses".

" Here it kind of is"

" Well, then you break them" Emma says, shrugging. She still thinks this is a weird dream or whatever, but she also thinks the look in Gretel's eyes is painfully familiar. And she can't stand that; no one should feel like that.

" Break them?".

" Yeah. Curse can be broken right? What do you need to break them?".

She scofs. " True love".

" Uh okay, something else perhaps?".

She shrugs. " It is the only thing I know off".

" Like what, you kiss someone and there is curses breaking?".

"No , I think it's like- you can have true love with a friend, or a family member or " she pulls a face " The person you want to be wed to. But you have to have a true connection- you have to really know them and it has to be mutual. And true love is similar to magic or _is_ magic, so then it could do pretty much anything".

" I have never heard you could share true love with a friend"

Gretel shrugs. " Not everyone falls in love, so it makes sense" she is still looking away, and Emma thinks she understands why. " Besides, from what I've heard- friends are great".

" Don't you have friends?".

"No. Just my brother"

" That's good too, right? I mean, having a brother sounds pretty good"

Gretel shrugs. " He is a moron, sometimes. But we used to be really good friends"

" Used to? ".

Gretel stands up. " If you really are not a guard, I can try to get you to the neutrality border".

" Neutrality border?".

" The villains and heroes are scattered, but there is border where anyone is safe. From there on you could get a horse and travel to queen Snow. I am not sure- I do not know how much she remembers, however".

" Yeah that - actually I probably should go home- except I don't really.." _Right. This is a hallucination. Not anything real, because that is impossible._

" You do not really, what?".

Emma sighs. " Never mind kid. Where do you need to go to?"

" Sorry?".

" Where did you last see your family? We will have to find them first".

Gretel scoffs. " You can't".

Emma slowly gets up. " I think I can actually- finding people is kind of what I do".

Gretel slowly turns around. Emma kind of expected it, but it is still awful to see her eyes are slightly puffy and red. " I have been searching for my father for ten years. And I never even found a trace off him".

" Perhaps the queen has him".

" That was the first place I looked".

" Hm. What kind of clues do you have?".

" Clues?".

"You know,when did you last saw him? Why did he leave?".

" He did not just _leave_. She took him".

"The Queen. Well, isn't he in her bedchamers or something then?".

" My dad would _never_ \- "

" Her bedchamers are probably the most secure place. And it is probably the last place you or anyone else looking for your father would look ".

" Oh. That is actually a good idea".

" Thanks" Emma drily said.

Gretel stares at her. " So you are offering to help me find my dad?".

"Yes, sure ".

" It will be dangerous".

" Yeah, I get that".

" You might get hurt".

" I have gotten hurt before. Didn't stop me then".

"And if the queen somehow discovers you are helping me- ".

" Kid. You are not going to change my mind".

Gretel doesn't smile, or say thank you, or even look happy. She just offers her hand, slowly. Emma takes it. " If you get into trouble, I am not saving you".

" Fine by me".

* * *

So that is how Emma nearly gets eaten by an ogre.

It might be one of the most embarrassing things ever, having to be saved (and scolded by) a girl. A girl who somehow manages to jump on a freaking ogre's back and slip a knife in his neck ( that's not enough to kill them, just to temporarly paralyze them).

" Run!".

" I thought you said you paralyzed that thing!".

" Yes, but they recover really quickly".

Emma stumbles and nearly humiliates herself even more when Gretel pushes her. She catches her, glances back where that _thing_ is slowly starting to move again and starts printing. Next to her, Gretel is slinging stones at their pursuer with deathly accuracy.

Emma curses and runs back when she sees Gretel actually stop and calmly take another stone from the pouch around her middle. " GET AWAY FROM HERE" Emma yells, wildly grabbing for the girl at the exact moment she shoots-

and the ogre is hit in its ugly eye.

Emma immediately stills, only moving again when the pain in her shinbone registers and she slowly lets Gretel go. Who immediately glares at her, rolls her eyes and stomps away. Emma is pretty she just muttered 'useless'.

Taking one last look at that thing ( it is still kind of terrifying even when it is obviously dead), Emma folows the girl. _She might even be right._

They don't really talk much while they walk through this forest. Gretel had safely gotten them to the neutrality border, where they had gotten two horses and Emma had pretty much spent the entire ride clenching her thigh muscles and nearly cutting her hands on the reigns she was holding on to them so tightly. Now there in another part of the kingdom, supposedly halfway to where the queen's castle is.

Gretel suddenly goes right. " Should we leave the path?" Emma calls after her, glancing at the darkness and the plants growing everywhere. Going that way pretty much means cutting your legs open- even if you _are_ wearing your best pair of jeans.

" Yes. Just follow me".

Emma sighs, then rolls her eyes and follows Gretel. It only takes ten minutes, but she gets caught on giant thorns (except those look like warts. Do thornes have those?) thrice and her jeans are more or less ruined at the end of it. She runs to catch up with Gretel.

" What is this place" she breaths. The 'path' they had just taken had been dark and gloomy, with the only light coming from eyes around them. This is a clearing, with strange flowers everywhere and soft chirping and a really good smell. Emma's stomach immediately starts to rumble: it smells like pancakes. Or waffles.

" You will see" Gretel says, grabbing Emma's hand and pulling her along. She pushes open the wooden door from the house Emma hadn't even notice at the same time that she calls out "FRIENDS AND FOE ALIKE FEAR THE SHARPNESS OF THE STONE".

" Ah Gretel" a voice says, before an elderly man arrives, smiling at Gretel. Who actually returns the smile. For a millisecond. With a twist of her lips. But still. The man gently claps Gretel on her back. " What can I do for you?".

" We need a sword. And some fitting garments".

" Does she need to be able to fight".

" Yes" Gretel sighs. " Although I fear you will have to teach her".

Emma rolls her eyes again, but then just smiles as the man laughs joyeously. "Always good to share knowledge, Gretel".

Gretel just plops down into a chair and shrugs. " Good luck".

And Emma glares, thinking _I can fight._ Because she can. She has taken selfdefence classes, and lived on the streets several times. She knows what to do when someone has a knife, when someone just uses fists, when there are two or three or even four people trying to fuck you up. She knows how to deal with desperate people, and near-psychopaths.

Turns out, she doesn't know how to deal with a sword. _And_ neither of these two people will allow her to just use her gun. Of course, Mason is a lot nicer about it than Gretel ( who cracks nuts, and throws the non eatable parts at Emma's head), but still. It is a good thing Emma likes exercise or she would seriously hate the world after the hours they train.

"You will not be staying here for a fortnight?".

" No. We need to keep moving".

" Okay" Emma only barely catches the sword when it is thrown at her. " She is a quick learner, so you should be able to avoid being killed. I will get the equipment".

" Equipment?".

"Yes. You will need other clothes, perhaps a dagger. Things like that" Mason quickly returns , throwing a pouche at Emma that she only barely catches. He chuckles.

" Is that all you require?"

Gretel nods. " Yes. Thank you".

" You haven't even seen what's inside this thing".

" I do not need to. Mason always choses the right things".

"Fine".

Gretel nods at Mason. " Goodbye. Thank you for your hulp ".

" Do not forget you have a friend here, Gretel".

She doesn't even reply, just walks away. As Emma says her own goodbyes, she wonders again what exactly has happened to her. Gretel has lost her family- but there seem to be even more hurt than that.

But she can hardly talk to her about that ( and she isn't the type for emotional talks anyways)

* * *

Turns out that being thrown head-first into an insane world with half human-half lizard things and dark knights and gnomes (or whatever) is the best way to get pretty good at sword- fighting

Emma puls back and thinks ' _hallucination hallucination, Gods it is just a hallucination'._ But she can squeeze her eyes shut , and there is still a thing that shifts from all these faces she would much rather forget, things that made her run. Always run.

" I thought magic wasn't real"

" It is. The queen controls it. This is the queen's " _the queen's monster._ Gretel's voice is a mere whisper, and she is pale. She glances at the small group of villagers behind them, shaking her head. She touches Emma, very briefly. " Watch" she whispers, in that same voice.

She does. The villagers- she doesn't know how to describe them. Half of them are smiling -but those smiles make Emma flinch and take a step back. The other half is just repeating motions, nearly robotically.

The first person that talks to Emma, is nice and chatty and keeps talking about her tasks and what a good day it is and how they will surely have a nice day and 'oh really, my lady, you must talk about your adventures'. Emma tries to explain she isn't actually a knight, but they're both led towards the largest house and sat down and offered refreshments-

It should be nice.

It really, really isn't.

Their host pours steaming tea over her own hand, and hardly blinks. There is a lady with a very sweet smile, who casually throws a knife at a fly that is annoying everyone. There are people with blisters on their hands, and manure on their faces. A boy starts to tell in a story and blinks dazedly when he is halfway- looking around him like he is waking from a nightmare. There is man with raggy hair, and sparkling skin that keeps giggling, and muttering rhymes to himself.

" There was something dearie, something was. Something was, and never will be again. Gnawing, gnawing it gnaws. Was it , was it a man?"

Emma nearly chokes on her drink when Gretel whispers " some people lost their minds because of being halfway into remembering, and halfway into nothing"

Emma would really, really like to run but she is stuck at a table with people with crazy or empty eyes, cruel smirks or fake smiles that stumble over words a lot. She kind of feels like these people are going to rip their skins off, and reveal they're demons. Or something.

She nearly screams when he clutches at her arm and leans in. His breath smells sour, horrible. "Oh dearie- would you do something for an old man?".

" Depend on what".

He giggles again, actually clapses his hand. "Names! I deal in names. Would you give me yours?".

" You deal .. .In names".

" Yes yes. Pretty names. Ugly names. Bad ones and good ones. Give me yours".

" He doesn't know his own" it is a young man across from her who tells her.

" Okay, but why would you- "

She grits her teeth when the man slams his fist on the table. "Name!" she has to keep herself from punching him when he leans in even closer. His teeth seem to be rotting. " Please, please dearie give me your name".

She hesitates, then shrugs. " Emma".

" _Emma_ ".

She wrenches her hand back when he grabs it. He giggles again. "Such a lovely name. Such a lovely... " Emma's hand automatically reaches for the hilt of her sword when the man suddenly seems a lot less unbalanced than before ( _how does he seem more dangerous than when he is unbalanced?_ ). " princess".

Emma laughs awkwardly. " I am not a princess. _Definitely_ not".

" Snow, and Charming, looking for their little Emma. Snow, and Charming looking for their little Emma" he giggles again. " But she isn't little anymore! _No_ " the moment he growls, Emma jumps to her feet and pulls her sword.

" She isn't little, isn't little anymore. The time has gone, the time has come. Blood will be spilled, the queen will be killed" he giggled again.

Emma grabbed Gretel's hand and hauled her up. " I am not staying around this lunatic one more moment. Come on". And she stomps away, with the giggles and chants of that man in her ears &

people nearly reverently whispering- or also chanting, it is almost like a ritual- 'Emma. Emma. EmmaEmmaEmmaemma".

Of course, the past should've warned her for something like this. Because Emma has never been able to outran bad things. And maybe it doesn't happen immediately- it doesn't. Maybe they even manage to travel a lot- see a lot, also a lot of things Emma did _not_ need to see- before it happens.

She seems like an ordinary woman. Smart, pretty, helpful. She smiles at Emma and laughs when she sees Gretel's scowl. Her skin is very hot, and she gently pulls them towards her home. Perhaps Emma should've been more careful, considering it is a _castle_ , but she is hungry and her back aches from the nights sleeping on cold earth so really, it seems all too good to think about things like 'why did the queen give this woman something that seems like a good life' , and are that 'skulls in the corner'?

The woman laughs, low and deep, and gives Emma more wine. It is the first time she has seen wine here, and she usually doesn't drink wine but it's good. It's good and they're both warm and the woman seems the first person they meet that doesn't make Emma's skin crawl. Gretel keeps tugging on Emma's sleeve "E-emma, that's bones. That's bones and that's - that's clawmarks" she whispers but it doesn't make sense to Emma. What bones? What clawmarks? What rusted armour?

She never giggles. But she sort of does when she tries to stand and her wozzy head has her stumbling- right into the arms of the woman. "Hey "she mutters, and blinks. Alcohol has never made people's eyes glow like that before. It's pretty.

" You really are pretty" the woman whispers, bending towards her.

" Thanks.. Hm I guess" she mutters, blinking. It is all kind of hazy, and maybe she is already dreaming? There is smoke around this woman. Her breath smells like ash. " Regina will be so glad when you're gone " she thinks she hears.

She wrenches her eyes open. " Wha- " she numbly glances down at the pain that registers through the haze. The woman is holding a needle, the tip of it buried into Emma's skin. The world is rapidly darkening - apart from the edges, where there are flames.

The last thing she feels is lips against her temple. The last thing she hears is Gretel's furious shout. Then darkness &

fire


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own OUAT.I hope you enjoy : )  
**

They do not know what is causing the changes, first.

But servant girls suddenly realize they're royalty, men pause above wells- ignoring the bucket dropping in favor of the stark realization that this is a day that has repeated itself for longer than they remember- , people run around their poor-excuses-of-houses in search of the swords they used to wield.

Snow wakes up, right when she is cleaning the queen's fireplace. She stares at her soot-covered hands at the realization she is not a girl sold to the queen , a friendless and ignored one that is forced to spend her days on small jobs that she has often thought the queen could do herself , but a princess and the reason that the queen had ever offered her odd brand of kindness was that they were enemies. The visits were not checking up on the person who had no one, it was gloating.

(which explains brief smiles and slight grins, but not that time she had been so very ill and woken to a cup of steaming tea and medicine on the queen's command)

She slowly turns around, staring at the halls. She has been stuck in them forever, forced to scrub them clean until her hands were bleeding. The qu- _Regina_ sometimes gets visitors, and she claims it is Snow's job to make sure the castle looks impressive (even though she is never allowed to put flowers anywhere. That one time- )

She runs over to the guard's place, glances inside. They're laughing and drinking like always, a terrified servant girl on the lap of the most awful one. His grip is really tight on her arm, and Snow glances at where some of their swords are haphazardly thrown on the floor.

She quickly pushes against the walls, heart in throat, when the familiar footsteps are heard.

It is foolish to look, the kind of foolish that will cost her her head and any chance to ever see her child again. She looks anyways. Regina is standing there, casually wiping some dust off the table and ignoring the men that have jumped to their feet and are bowing.

 _I have to get the swords. And then get out._ But Regina is right in front of them - in fact, she is picking one of them up and why would she - Snow presses her hand to her mouth. The man's eyes widen, and he stares down at the sword the queen just drove through his abdomen with confusion. His grip on the girl's arm finally lessens, and then he drops to the floor.

Regina casually pulls the sword back, and turns to the servant girl.

 _No, she wouldn't._ Regina is volatile and unpredictable but she hardly ever hurts the servants. Well, apart from the ones Snow now realizes were her worst enemies.

Still, it is almost miraculous to see Regina step forward and almost gently grab the girl's arm before pushing her out of the door. Snow takes a step back as she sees Regina's face, and trembles at the expression she has when she turns back to the men.

She is very clear about their fate should they make the same mistake their leader did, and no one looks up even when the sword is dropped, the door closes and her footsteps are totally faded. Snow only hesitates two seconds- her _daughter_ has green eyes and would not stop crying- before slipping inside.

"The queen commanded me to clean here- " it is not even difficult to make her voice tremble, to sound like she is seconds away from tears. She may not be meek and hesitant anymore, but she can't stop thinking of her child out there somewhere ( _alone_ ) and the corpse on the ground is awful still- the fact that it was a pig in life does not change that much.

They just nod. It is expected, that the queen would send her to do such a gruesome job. And if she is fortunate, they will even- " We will leave you to it" _Yes. You always do, and use the excuse of the queen wishing me to be utterly alone at all times as excuse but honestly - you are just lazy._

They really must be shaken; none of them even try to slap her behind or make a revolting comment like usually. And they're quiet. When the queen is not around, they are never quiet. She waits until she is certain they're gone before quickly grabbing a quiver of arrows, a bow and several daggers.

And she runs.

She only stops running to steal a horse ( not like she has not done that before), bind its hooves and jump on top of it. She steers it into the forest and makes it go faster, faster, so fast that the world is rushing past her and it is still not enough. _Regina cannot capture me._

Regina may have kept her alive, but that was because Snow suffered the most that way. (she cannot be deceived by stray acts of what could be kindness. Not after what mercy cost her the last time, and not when the people she loves most in the world are still out there). Now that the curse is clearly unravelling, the stakes are higher than ever and Snow knows if the guards find her, the most likely outcome is death.

Which is why she hides in the forest after having spent the entire day on top of her horse. She leaves it next to the stream, and quickly drags some branches over and finally arranges it so that she has some sort of hideout-home thing. She is exhausted but she manages to find some things for both of them, and sits as close to the horse as possible ( fires attract people), but still shivers in her servant garb. Funnily enough, it is not even that thin nor is it the poorest quality. It is just very cold, and she blows on her hands and rubs them to keep warm.

She wakes in the morning half-laying on the horse and manages a weak smile. It must have known Snow was freezing ( perhaps she was shivering) and gotten closer. She pats its neck, then slowly gets up. She only gives herself twenty minutes to make and eat breakfast, before climbing on the horse and leaving again.

She travels like that for a while, studiously avoiding human settlements and relying on her knowledge of the lands as well as her ability to find food and shelter. It doesn't mean she isn't wet and hungry sometimes. Nor does it mean it all goes well -

( she doesn't know when, but one time, she has the queen's guards on her heels and she has to remind herself 'I can't get caught. _Emma "._ and has nightmares about the guards' screams anyways)

but at least she's alive.

At least she is free, and she is getting closer and closer to her daughter. And farther and farther away from the queen, and whatever Regina had turned her into. In a weird twist of fate, those memories are blurry. She knows she had a very repetitive life, one that included aches and pains everywhere and being tense every moment-

but then there are the things she doesn't _understand._ There are moments that she can call gloating, humiliation and just boredom but it still does not make sense. Not with the heart-breaking knowledge that maybe Regina was right, that there really wasn't anything left of the horse girl that had saved Snow so long ago.

That Snow had risked (and lost) _everything_ for a person that no longer existed.

It was just another reason she could hardly sleep, doubts and fears making sure that her dreams were mostly nightmares about a scared girl with green eyes and another girl with brown ones that she could never save.

It just made her push them, the horse and her, more and more. She races past villages, and through the forest. She doesn't know much- her fake memories are fading and she actually tries to hold on because maybe they know where Emma is - and she can't really ask. She doesn't know who remembers, and who she can trust.

Ironically enough, she finds her best chance at finding Emma by almost dying.

She is at a tavern, with her hood pulled up and several stolen pieces of gold in her hand when she is thrown to the ground. She is immediately up again, with a knife hidden behind her back, but hesitates when she sees who it is. Brown hair, green eyes. A sword and the queen's coat of arms.

"Red" _the queen's elite guard. To hurt me, no doubt._

" Remove that hood".

"Why?".

" I said - " Red's eyes glow golden and Snow is happy for her friend - _you can control it_ \- even if she is horrified by what it means. How many of the tales she has overheard were true? _How much pain will you be in if you ever wake, and realize what you've done?_ " remove it".

"Fine" she pretends to lower the hood, only to suddenly run forward and slam her shoulder into Red's. She dodges three pair of grabby hands and makes to disappear into the forest. Of course, she can't escape a werewolf that easily.

Red gets to her when she is climbing on her horse; she gasps at the slight pain of the teeth around her leg, and then she is suddenly staring at the sky before it is obscured by glowing eyes and very sharp teeth.

" Don't " she whispers. she is already thinking about how to make Red realize they're friends, which is probably impossible, when it turns out to also be unnecessary.

Red easily morphs back (Snow almost wishes her friend would never remember. She almost seems happier this way) and smiles. " The queen wishes you , not your corpse".

" That's... surprising , actually'.

" Yes"

Red doesn't get off her, just stares at her. _You remember something._ " I am your friend. That is what you are feeling- guilt and remorse and- " every bit of air suddenly leaves her body when Red slams her knee into Snow's stomach.

"The last thing I am is your friend".

"Red - " she wheezes, as soon as she is able.

"Be silent" Red finally gets up. " And get up ".

Snow does. She tightens the grip on the dagger, but eventually slackens it. Red stares at it when she throws it in front of her. " You may not be my friend, but I am yours".

She watches as Red slowly lowers herself, and picks up the knife without breaking eye contact. "That was stupid" she remarks, slowly standing again.

Snow shakes her head. " No. That was me refusing to hurt a friend" she grabs Red's hand, the one that isn't holding a dagger. " I would _never_ hurt you".

" The queen mentioned you were devious, a very gifted liar".

" I am not lying. She is lying, she always was"

 _You won't hurt me either._ Snow has never been less afraid, never mind how furious Red looks or how the dagger is already opening her skin where it's pressed against her neck. " _She_ accepted me when everyone else was trying to slit my throat. When they took - ".

" Granny may still be alive. Maybe- ".

" I _saw_ them. I saw them- " Red's voice breaks, and feared guard and favorite of the queen or not, she still has the exact same look when she is recollecting the murder of a loved one. Snow pushes the dagger away, and hugs her. " She may still be alive. Regina may have just separated the two of you, not- ".

" What are you talking about".

Snow pulls back. " Your grandmother. Regina cast the dark curse, but I suspect she has not actually harmed Granny. I think she is still somewhere".

" This is insane".

Snow grins. " So you believe me?".

" I had these funny.. not dreams but - like memories? But I don't actually remember it happening".

" You are not the only one, come on".

And that is how she starts the long journey to getting her best friend back

* * *

It happens little by little.

Red starts out sleeping curled up on her cape, in wolf form. She growls when Snow tries to shift closer. She whines in her sleep ( Snow is pretty sure that if she were in girl form, she would scream and cry every night). She doesn't trust Snow.

"You are a convict. _I_ am a traitor " she mutters sometimes as they make their way through another forest

" You are a traitor to the _evil queen_ , and what even is my crime?".

" I am a traitor to the only person who helped me and I am pretty sure it is existing".

" Right".

They sometimes have discussions like that but it is mostly silences briefly interrupted by general things like 'you go that way, I will go this way" or 'do you recognize this?". Until, that is, The Night.

It is just another night, perhaps two weeks after Snow had woken. Her breath can be seen in the air, and she is pressed tightly against the horse. She is staring at the half-frozen ground, wanting to sleep ( her muscles ache, and her eyes feel so dry and heavy) while at the same time desperately wishing she wouldn't. Not ever again, not when she sees Charming ( his crumpled heart) and _Emma_ ( little fingers grabbing hers tightly, that wail when she is ripped away) in her dreams.

It is right when she starts to fall asleep despite her loud wishes when she is yanked awake by the feeling of calloused skin on her shoulder, her hand immediately grappling for her bow before she registers it's Red. Who never actually explains what is going on, but who opens her arms like they are just the two girls starting their friendship again and finally makes sure that Snow stops shivering.

They never actually discuss it ( Snow's lips actually bleed, once, when she bites down on it so hard to keep herself from asking) but Red is a little warmer after that, smiles at her sometimes, laughs at some of the jokes Snow slowly starts to learn telling again, cuddles with her on the coldest nights. It isn't like before. But most times, Snow can almost fool herself into thinking it is.

She doesn't. Red is still too dangerous for that, that much is made clear when they travel through Midas' kingdom and Red knocks out several guards with the casual air of someone who has done much worse. That much becomes clear when she proposes to kill the people that took them in ( they did sell them out, like Red said they would. But it is so much money, and they had children to care for- Snow could never be mad at them).

Sometimes, Snow can't sleep easily with Red near her. She thinks of how Peter's body had looked. Back then, she hadn't been scared then and she isn't really now. But she is aware. She is aware that this Red isn't really _her_ Red. All those things she would swear Red would never do - Regina has somehow managed to turn the cursed Red into something that the real Red would be abhorred by.

Yes, it sometimes makes Snow's head hurt. ( not as much as her heart though. Not nearly).

It is confusing, what Red was and what she is. She isn't that different, and Snow stubbornly insists on just seeing her friend even when Red makes casual comments that chill Snow worse than an actual ice age could. But still, it is sometimes impossible to _not_ notice how Red is different in these slight ways. Like two of those paintings where you've to search for the differences.

(what's most different is the obvious affection whenever she speaks off Regina, and Snow stares and calls herself insane for what she knows is jealousy and wistfulness)

Still, Red _is_ different.

And it messes with her head. And not just because of the 'favourite of the evil queen' thing either. No, it is just- Snow had finally resigned herself to the idea that Regina was nonredeemable. That the wo- _girl_ she had loved so much had been gone.

And yet, Red is so much happier in some ways.

The change is ridiculously easy for her, now, and there is nothing of that old pain and fear that had always been there ( every change a sharp reminder of what had happened- what she had done to Peter). And she is free, that much is clear. She doesn't need to stay with Regina. She can leave anytime she wants, and there are no guards following her solely because she is Snow's friend. She isn't at war with someone she personally never had an issue with.

Gods, Snow is so happy for her. And it hurts _so_ much.

It is why she sometimes stares at the West, where she knows Regina's castle is. Where she can easily imagine she is pacing, snapping at every guard, possibly snapping - and that would just mean another life lost because she, Snow, wants to live. She wants to meet her baby girl( wants to tell her everything she had always dreamed of saying, and hold her again). Wants to kiss her husband again, smile against his lips.

She wants all that, wants it so badly that it actually hurts to not have it right now-

 _but can I? Should I, when Regina hurts more and more people with every minute that I am alive._

Ironically enough, it is Red who keeps Snow from walking towards the castle and begging for everyone's lives in return for hers. It is Red who takes her hand when Snow is staring at the West again, and quietly says " She will not be merciful. If you surrender- it does not necessarily mean she will spare your people".

And Snow wants to say so much in return to that, wants to protest ( a part of her can never forget how beautiful and good Regina had been, and she sometimes still wakes crying out for Regina to soothe her fears and pains) that surely she can't be that far gone. The larger part just wants to ask how Red can love someone like that. It would be unfair to ask. And unnecessary.

So she just shuts up, squeezes Red's hand, and continues to fight for her family.

* * *

They do not even stop long enough to wipe the grime (and - _gods_ , blood) from his face before they are off again. She knows he is hurt, and his mind is probably a painful jumble of curse-reality memories, but she also knows that he is exactly like her. Just like her, he doesn't care about the pain.

Why would they care about aching muscles, badly-healed injuries and wonky memories when they remember their daughter looking at them as if to say 'please keep me'.

They have to find her. They do ( Charming just laughed, and kissed her when she explained she had searched for Emma before she had come to save him) and they don't waste any time. Maleficent may have magic, and Regina's complicated alliance ( which might not even be the right word in this context) but they have something far more powerful.

The desperation that is borne when you are separated from the thing you love most for 28 years.

" Where is our daughter?" Snow asks, arrow pointing at Maleficent's heart. Next to her, Charming has his sword pointed at the dragon's neck. His white shirt is soaked with blood and sweat, but he looks strong and determined. She would almost say _terrifying_ , with the expression he shows Maleficent.

She grabs his bicep to keep him from beheading the dragon when she laughs, and leans in. " My room".

" _You_ \- ".

She clucks her tongue. " I hardly defiled her" you would expect someone to be less relaxed with a sword digging into her skin, and an arrow two seconds away from burying itself in her heart. " My taste runs a little more towards maidens that are less fair " she smirks. " I prefer maidens with darker hair, and less dark hearts. At first. Your girl has had quite the awful life because of your- ".

" That's it. I am going to - ".

" Charming, wait" Snow turns to Maleficent. " Please- just tell us".

" And risk Regina's wrath?".

" We will kill you if you don't "

Snow snaps her head at Charming and glares, but Maleficent just chuckles. " I am sure you will attempt" she closes her eyes, and sighs. " But I have no interest in betraying Regina like this".

" She would. She would betray _you_ like that" Charming growls.

" Perhaps".

" You care for her?" Snow thinks she already knows, but for some reason it is so important to actually _hear_ it. To hear that the visits are more than Regina just seeking out someone that could be her ally, or ( and Snow really does not want to think about this part of Regina's life. She would rather hug an ogre actually) could provide release.

There's a short silence. Charming paces. Maleficent stares at her. Snow doesn't breathe.

The witch must see something in her eyes, for she finally nods. " She is the only thing I care about. For a long time, I cared about nothing. She was the first thing in a very long time that made me feel anything".

" Then why did you not help her?" _Do you think she is happy like this?_

" She does not wish to be helped, princess. Regina has lost all happiness, and she has it in her head that your demise is the only thing that will return it".

" It will just be another murder"

Maleficent nods. " She will not stop, however. And I will not keep anything she wants from her".

It sounds so much like a threat that Snow nearly shoots her. " What did you do to our daughter?".

" She is alive".

" What- ".

" It will be Regina's birthday soon. I was going to -"

She glares at Charming when the sword cuts her. He just leans in closer, and Snow no longer feels inclined to stop him from hurting anyone. " What happened to our daughter? ".

" She is asleep".

There is a slight clang! as the sword drops to the floor ( the arrow's fall is far more silent) and Snow can feel Charming is trembling as badly as she is. They only press together briefly before abandoning their enemy and running with Maleficent's shouted ( perhaps just said, but Snow feels like it _has_ to be shouted to actually be heard over the beating off her heart) directions guiding them.

they're still holding hands when they meet their daughter for the second time. Just like all the time ago, it should've been joyous. Should've been laughter and hugs and something they will never be able to think off without smiling.

Instead, it is another nightmare. Heartbreak. Fear.

The only thing that makes it bearable is that Snow knows they will get through it. She takes a deep breath and presses her lips to the cold skin of her daughter's forehead- wishes for the first time in ages, but Blue cannot fulfil this wish for her- then reluctantly pulls back so her husband can do the same.

" We will save you Emma" she promises. Charming just leans on her, and they remain at the floor staring at their daughter for a long while after that. They won't leave her again. They _won't_ , so they carry another mattress into the room (Maleficent just pointed into the general direction when they asked if there was another bedroom) and Charming sits down on it so Snow can take care of his injuries.

They don't speak for a while, and Snow tries to focus on healing and doesn't want to ever think again. It hurts so much, thinking ' _where did you get this injury? And this scar?_ ', to look at her husband and see all this tiny ways that this life obviously hurt him. To look at her daughter, and imagine all they've missed.

Her first steps. Her first word ( Snow tortures herself thinking about whether it was 'mama' and if Emma would've actually understood that something was wrong). Giving her teeth to the tooth fairy, and smiling at the presents that were received in return. Her first ball, where Charming would've watched all the noblemen and noblewomen like a hawk and Snow would've just beamed at her little girl with pride. So many moments, and Snow has never been as furious and in pain as she is right now, looking at her _daughter_ and realizing she is grown.

Snow missed an entire life and _gods_ , does she wish it were different.

She doesn't talk about Charming about it, but she doesn't have to. She knows he wonders the same thing she does: what were your birthdays like? Do you have people you call 'mom' and 'dad'? Did you ever learn to ride horses like you were supposed to? Are you in love with someone? What makes you happy, what colour do you like, what is your biggest dream?

Piles of questions, and Snow bites her lips. She can ask the room , but it won't do any good. She can discuss it with Charming, but she prefers sitting next to him and feel his hand in hers. She doesn't want to _talk_ ,

she just wants her baby girl to wake.

Charming is the one to sacrifice himself, and actually briefly tear himself away from their daughter. He presses a kiss to her forehead, and kisses Snow before he leaves. She usually would feel awful , missing him when they have just been reunited, but there is so much hurt already that his departure is hardly more than another way that makes her feel like she is empty and exhausted. Besides , he will return.

The sound of footsteps, and the soft creaks of an opening door yank her from a dream, and it takes several moments before she realizes Regina isn't there, and her heart is still in her chest. It is still hammering when she smiles tiredly at an old friend.

"Blue".

" Snow- why is the wolf here?".

" Because she is my friend".

" She does not remember, and she is the queen's – ".

" She remembers partly. She is guarding Maleficent for us, is she not?".

" She has darkened her heart".

" Haven't we all?" Snow says, and the way she says it shuts Blue up momentarily.

" What do you need me to do?" Blue says, even though she likely already knows.

" Can you find her true love?".

Blue nods, and shows the small bag she is carrying. " I brought pixie dust – it should lead you to her true love. But Snow, I do not agree with this method. True love is not supposed to be shown this way – ".

" I do not care. My daughter needs to wake up. Did you bring reinforcement as well?".

" I have managed to find about half of my people. They have agreed to guard your daughter while you and your husband are searching for her true love".

" Thank you" Snow whispers, and stands up. She accepts Charming's hand when he offers it to her, and they lean against each other as Blue takes a handful of dust. She looks at Snow one last time, who nods, and Blue takes a deep breath and throws the dust. It immediately forms a green line and Snow follows it as it leaves the room-

" Did it work?".

" Yes. The pixie dust will show you where your daughter's true love is. Good luck".

Snow quickly hugs her, and chokes out a thank you, before grabbing Charming's hand and starting to run. They nearly fall off the stairs in their haste to get to the horses that are already saddled, and Snow isn't even that surprised when she sees it is Red who is holding the reins.

" Red- ".

" I am going. The fairies can watch Maleficent- and I do not think she really means harm anyways"

Snow grins, and hugs her. Red stiffens, but then exhales and hugs her back just as fiercely. "I am so glad you are here" she whispers.

" I am, too. Now get on that horse, so we can save your daughter" Red says, playfully pushing her away. Snow nods, and wipes away her tears with a bright smile. Red isn't really the person Snow knew- but she is still the best friend Snow could ever hope to have.

They all quickly get on their horses, and talk very little while chasing the green light. Snow almost pushes her horse too hard, and Charming has the same issue, because they are so desperate to get their daughter back. _Hold on Emma, we will never let you go again. We will save you._

Eventually, it is Red who forces them to dismount and it is Red who goes hunting and brings some meat while Charming helps Snow make the fire. And then they sit, and quickly eat while they watch the green light that is still sparkling in front of them. Red actually has to argue with Snow to get her to stay, and Charming reluctantly helps her convince Snow that they do need rest.

They travel that way; long days, short breaks and very little talking. Until they pause their horses one day ( Snow doesn't know exactly how long they have been travelling, but it must have been weeks) and Snow points at the sky. " It is going into the direction of Regina's castle".

She had suspected it the longer they travelled, but she had hoped the light would change direction. But it is clear it won't , and Charming steers his horse closer to hers so he can lean over to squeeze her hand. She squeezes back, hoping to offer him the same comfort.

" I could get you in " Red finally says, after a long silence. She is staring at where they can see Regina's castle looming already, and Snow wonders what she is thinking. _That was her home._ Red has not told them that much, but enough that Snow knows she cares for Regina and that it hurts betraying her, even if a new set of memories tells her how Regina had chased her, and hurt people she cared about.

" Are you certain? Red, I don't- ".

" Yes. If you trust me"

Snow uses her free hand to grab Red's. " Of _course_ I trust you"

Red shudders. " All right. Dismount".

Snow and Charming glance at each other, but they do slowly let go and obey. " All right, what- " it is only because Charming likes Red almost as much as Snow does that he doesn't draw his sword when Red stalks towards him, and roughly bends his arms behind his back.

" The queen remains unaware that I have been traveling with you, Snow. I have send her messages, and made sure no one could inform her we were travelling together rather than me chasing you".

" Red - " Snow suddenly thinks of the families they have passed during their travels, and the woman that cried and apologized profusely when the guards appeared ( I am so sorry, but my _children_ ) What has Red done?

" I am protecting you" is all Red says, and it takes a considerable amount of willpower not to step away from her. For a moment, Snow tastes the berries they ate, and the sharp tang of vomit but she pushes it down and reaches for Red's hand. _It is the memories the queen forced on her- and the real Red is still there, or she would not look so ashamed._

Red slowly looks up, cheeks red and eyes glistening. " If I pretend I captured you, we can search the castle for Emma's true love".

" Won't the queen already be alerted because of the light?".

" I do not think it has reached its destination yet, but we should hurry"

Charming nods. When Snow glances at him, she sees he is as conflicted about whatever Red has done as she is, but he still smiles at Red and allows her to bind his hands. Snow offers her own. " Let's hurry, then".

Red smiles, and gently binds Snow's hands before binding the both of them to the horses and leading them in the direction of the castle. The light keeps expanding, and does indeed move towards the castle. Usually, the walls and guards everywhere would scare her, but instead she is oddly calm. The thought of her daughter is enough to have the fear only be there in the way she is trembling slightly, and mostly feel determination and _anger._

They still don't have their baby girl safe with them. She is _hurt_ , trapped in a room on fire.

She keeps Emma's face in her mind as they pass the gates, and the guards prod them with their swords and one in particular – the one with a nasty scar ruining an otherwise handsome face- leers at her, and spits in her face. Red slaps him- " The queen will be displeased, you _moron_ " but he just laughs and Snow only barely holds back a shiver. There is something _wrong_ with that man.

The gates close, and they are inside the castle of the woman that wants Snow's head on a platter, or her heart neatly ripped from her chest. Several guards follow them, and the bounds are starting to hurt her wrists. Red has to keep up an appearance, so the hands on her hurt more as nails dig into her skin and she is pulled towards two large doors.

She only stops struggling when she sees the woman lounging on a couch inside. Regina slowly rises, and the smile she gets chills Snow, and sends her heart hammering. Then she looks at Red, and it is actually worse. There is a second where Red smiles brightly, more genuine than any of the times Snow made her laugh or she remembered anything of their former friendship.

The queen cups her cheek and her voice is so gentle that Snow feels her eyes tear up – _no, you are not seeing her. The girl Regina was is gone, and you can't risk your family again for her._ " Very well done, dear" Regina says, and presses a kiss to Red's cheek before stepping towards Snow.

The change in expression is so sudden that Snow almost feels dizzy. Regina cups her cheek as well, but her nails dig in and her smile is more a smirk really. She is yanked forward, and she can hear Charming say something –

The light, it's-

" Really, what is that light anyways- " the guards doesn't get any further before there is a knife plunged into his chest, he collapses and the guard next to him draws his sword, and immediately collapses when Red plunges her knife deep into his eye. There are two more guards – Snow has to look away when Red easily changes to wolf form, and her sharp teeth break through armor and there is an awful sound when the flesh is ripped.

Snow lunges forward, slamming her shoulder against Regina before she can recover and start hurling fireballs. The pain when Regina's hand is ripped away from her chest makes her cry out, but she ignores it as she starts to run towards the doors. Only to trip, and barely manage to catch herself when there is a vine curling around her ankle, and there is heat as the fireball slams into the doors

She is on her back, struggling to get the vine off her while she can spot Charming in her eye corners. There are several guards that he holds off, and she can hear Red's angry howling as well as the screams of pain. She finally succeeds in getting out of the vine's grip, and cutting it with the sword that she yanks out of the grip of the co- guard laying next to her when the light moves.

"YOU MORON – " Regina stumbles when the light hits her, causing her to glow greenly. She stares down at herself, actually dropping her hand the way Snow's stomach drops. Her daughter's soulmate is not a servant or even -as she had feared- a guard in the entourage

The only person in all the realms that could wake her daughter was the evil queen


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own OUAT. Warnings: mentions/ allusions to abuse. Also, I have decided to change the way sleeping curses effect the cursed person/their true love slightly : )**

Snow is only snapped out of her stupor by a furious cry and the image of her husband storming towards the queen, only to crash into a table that is shoved his way and fall on the ground. She blinks, twice, then quickly jumps to her feet and cries out "HEY" to distract Regina, and avoid Charming being incinerated by the fireball Regina already has summoned.

Except now Regina is looking at her. Smirking really. And usually Snow would be able to concentrate, to jump away from a fireball and shoot an arrow in one seamless motion –

But Regina is still green-tinted. Snow's eyes are stuck on- well on everything. On Regina's harsh make-up, and lips appropriately blood red. Regina's hair- long and done up in a complicated hairstyle. Her clothes- leather pants so tight her legs must feel like they are going to fall off and a long coat with corset. It is all so different from that girl Snow once met, whose clothing and face and _everything_ just screamed at Snow that she was gentle, soft. Sure she was passionate, she could probably become as enraged as everyone but she was the opposite of this woman.

Snow ducks, feeling the heat of the fireball against her back, and rolls before jumping to her feet. She half-heartedly shoots an arrow at Regina- who catches it and lights it on fire in one motion. As Regina stalks to her, Snow realizes what really is so different. It isn't the clothing, the make-up or the hairdo's - it isn't even how Regina moves different, and even her voice is different.

It's the eyes.

Regina stalks towards her, and if Snow just looks at the clothes, it is still this person she loved so much stalking towards her. Same if she focuses on the words ( the voice is different sure, but it is still the same one that used to sing lullaby's for her, and allow her to cuddle against her while telling a story ) or the lips ( there is still that scar she used to touch a lot, and she still hasn't gotten Regina to tell where she got it even if fourteen-year-old Snow had sworn she would get the story). But that feeling, the nausea and how her hands start to tremble- it only stops when she looks at Regina's eyes.

It isn't just the outright, crazy, desperate hating. There is a lot in those eyes and it is so very different that Snow finally snaps into focus again and moves away from the fireball before firing off several arrows. One even hits Regina-

Snow stumbles and gapes at the fireball that very nearly melts her face. A second fireball forces her back, and all her arrows are easily caught by Regina , so she grabs a candle holder and suddenly surges forward. It is insane and sudden enough that Regina actually takes several steps back, and her fireballs even shrink.

Snow screams and drops the candle holder when the dripping tallow falls on her hands, and all the candles are suddenly on fire. Regina just kicks it away, and once again throws several fireballs at Snow. She manages to dodge them, but her breathing is heavy and she keeps having to take steps back ( several more, and she will be with her back against the wall)

She grins at Regina. " Is that all you can do? "

" It seems more than enough to beat _you_ " Regina sneers.

" Really? " Snow says, grinning and suddenly kicking another candle holder so that Regina stumbles and the fireball in her hand scorches one of the walls. Regina almost immediately rights herself and sneers as she throws another fireball.

" It just seems like you do not have anything better to me" Snow says, watching Regina closely. The woman rolls her eyes, and slowly extinguishes the fireballs. Snow kind of wants them to come back when instead the ground starts to shake and she topples over, then sinks through the floor like it is quicksand and gets stuck.

Regina smirks, takes a step towards her. Snow can't free her arms, but she struggles and tries anyways. Regina takes another step , and very slowly starts to kneel. Snow tries to yank her head back, but Regina grabs her chin again and yanks her really close.

"I am going to _enjoy_ this "

" You already made me miserable for _years_ \- is that not enough to finally let it go? "she spits. It is easy to be furious because she still has that image of Emma, and Maleficent's taunts that suggest her little girl had a horrible life because they were forced to let her go.

" You have nowhere been miserable enough. I was lenient enough to keep your shepherd alive, and your little brat –".

" She got away. You did not spare her life, she had to flee- " and oh gods, how crazy must Snow be to even consider accepting this woman as her daughter's true love. How could she accept the woman who made them all miserable, who ruined Emma's childhood and _murdered-_

The woman who saved her life, and used to stay up with her whenever she had nightmares and was in pain already when she was still the most beautiful and gentle person Snow had ever met. _You are insane_ she tells herself, and it is probably true. Or maybe she is just delusional, because Regina can't be saved anymore.

" You still have no idea what it feels like to lose the only person that has ever been good to you, and lose a future you have spent _years_ secretly building, just when you were so close and so happy" Regina sneers, and Snow gasps when the hand presses against her chest again.

" Regina- ".

" You have no idea what is like to be trapped in a castle with a little princess that thinks you are an oh so fun new _play_ thing , when all you want is to run away but the only person you could and wanted to be with is gone"

" Re- ".

" GONE" Regina's fingers around her hard feel like shards of glass in her chest. Snow shivers, and her eyes tear up. She has to stop her, Emma needs her mother.

" You are my daughter's true love"

Regina's smile drops, and she suddenly becomes very still. " What?".

Before Snow can say another words, Regina's eyes widen and then she slumps. Snow cries out when Regina's grip on her hand loosens, and she can feel her heart move a little ( it hurts like someone is cutting into her chest). She looks through her tears and-

" Red"

Red smiles grimly, and drops the large shield she has used to knock the queen unconscious. Snow doesn't miss how she can't look at Regina, how her eyes are slightly wet and when she touches Regina to get her away from Snow, the touch is almost reverent.

She can finally breathe again, and she blinks the tears from her eyes. It is also the first time she really pays attention to the room, and she kind of wishes she hadn't. She quickly turns her head Red's ways again, but it isn't quick enough to miss the soldiers with swords sticking out of them and worse- the ones with teeth marks and chunks of flesh missing, their bodies ripped-

" Snow!" Red calls, kneeling down to her as soon as Snow gags. It is only once, but Red doesn't move away from her and stares at her with soft, worried eyes- Snow's own eyes flit to the hand on her arm. It is coated with blood.

Red snaps her arm back. " Right. I will get your husband "she says.

Snow clears her throat, manages to grab Red's arm and use it to gently pull her closer. She takes her hand, squeezes it, and smiles. " Thank you. Really, _thank_ you".

Red's shoulders drop and she slowly smiles ( what is that on her lips, and between her teeth? _She was helping you, don't think about it_ ) and squeezes Snow's hand as well. " You are welcome. I am your friend, am I not?".

Snow nods. "Always"

Red looks at Regina, and Snow understands it. She really does.

" Always".

* * *

Regina is used to waking up, and feeling awful. Her mother's punishments had been very inventive, and she had woken up with a growling stomach, burning eyes, sore throats, bruised ( only the feeling, her mother _never_ left marks lest she became less attractive to princes and kings) body and screams still ringing in her ears. And even when she had been liberated from her mother's all-controlling presence, Regina still had plenty horrible wake-up moments. The day next to her wedding night for example, with the king's arm trapping her and the –

She shakes her head. It has been a long established rule that she does not think about that. Not that she has ever been very successful, as even magic seemed no help and the memories kept replaying randomly. At least, now that the fool was gone, she no longer had stomach cramps whenever the time passed and she knew she would be summoned to his chambers again. Although she still-

" Regina?" the all too familiar voice interrupts her musings. She is almost glad. She is almost _thankful._ She scowls fiercely, and gracefully picks herself up from the cot she is laying on to stare the woman down.

" Snow _white_ " she hisses, and summons a fireball. When the familiar heat does nit comfortably press into her palm, she glances at her own hand. And nearly stumbles when she sees what is around her wrist, before feeling her cheeks flush with comfortable hatred and her throat close up with fea- with more hatred. " You little _pest_ " she growls.

" We have to protect ourselves, Regina. And it might be better if you don't- "

" I will find some way to make you pay for this. How _dare_ you- ".

" I am sorry Regina" Snow whispers, and Regina has to remind herself of the spoiled little princess that had so enjoyed having Regina around to do her bidding, lest she might actually believe Snow's fake remorse. " I truly am, but I can't have you hurting people even more"

" When have you ever been sorry? " she throws back. " And do not pretend to be the perfect princess around me, I _know_ what your true nature is ".

" I wanted to help Regina, I never meant for you to get hurt" Snow argues, sad and hurt and angry and arrogant all at once.

" I was not merely speaking off your betrayal. You have hurt all those who supported you, because you never surrendered yourself. They would have been fine, if you had truly been so selfless"

" You would have hurt them anyways" Snow says, and Regina smiles when she notes the princess' eyes are teary and she is hunched over like she is trying to accept a blow.

Regina arches her eyebrow. " At least be honest to yourself, Snow. I love my people, so I would not have made them suffer had they not betrayed me. The same goes for you. Had you never betrayed me, I would- ".

" You love me?"

She is almost tempted to say yes, to use Snow's gullibility against her. Pretend to love her, win her trust, and rip her heart out in the middle of a cordial dinner. But surely, even Snow is not that thick and just the thought of having to pretend again makes Regina's nauseous. " I loathe you".

Snow opens her mouth, then slowly closes it and stares at the wall of the dungeon for a moment. There isn't enough light down here to read her expression properly. She looks back at Regina. " It ends now. This fight between us – " Regina hears Snow's breath catch. "It hurt so many, and it costs us and everyone else everything. That has to stop ".

"So you are here to offer me a chance to ask the gods for forgiveness? " she mocks. " I thought your little fairy friend would be here, or perhaps a priestess. What does Snow White know of repentance?"

" Are you saying you feel bad about what you have done? That you finally know it was not justified, that it was _awful_ "

Regina surges forward, grabbing the bars between them and glaring at Snow with all her might. Snow just stares at her, and Regina feels her wrist heat – the restrained magic making her skin feel sunburnt. " You took my true love from me, and forced me into a life I did not _want_ – my desire to make you suffer the consequences was more than justified. It was the only right way to react".

" Hurting people was the only right way? Separating families? _Ripping out hearts_? " Snow says, voice sweet and saccharine and horrified. Regina wants to shake her, wants to scream at her to stop pretending. Snow is just another spoiled royal, who thinks they own people and are selfish – no matter how kind and gentle they pretend to be to the worshipping masses.

" You have no right to judge me, or to pretend you are so pure".

" Regina- "

" Leave, Snow. That is my last request, to just leave me alone if I cannot rip your heart out. I do not wish your presence to _taunt_ me".

" Last request?".

" Before my execution".

"We are not going to execute you "Snow whispers, and Regina does not know whether she wants to slap the princess until she loses the pretence and shows her true colours, or applaud her for her superb acting skills (odd. When she was a child, Snow had never been able to hide her feelings) She looks so sad, almost like she doesn't _want_ to kill Regina.

"You have already banished me. I doubt your pretty toy shepherd, or the moronic dwarfs that cling to you, will allow you to send me away again. Are they not all demanding my death?".

Regina smirks when Snow's shoulders slump. " They are " she whispers, and the next moment she gathers herself and raises her head. " But I am their queen, and I will spare your life".

Regina is about to laugh in her face or snap at her, when she narrows her eyes as a sudden memory comes back. Just before someone ( _do not think of that traitor, you were not truly anything to each other_ ) knocked her out, Snow had said –

Snow stares at her when she bursts out laughing. It doesn't last long and before Snow has the chance to speak, Regina already is. "Do you truly believe that? " she says, smirking

" I – " Snow blinks. " I don't understand".

Regina leans in, Snow takes a step forward – has to take a step forward, for Regina's voice is low and quiet. " That I am your daughter's true love "

Snow swallows, looks away. Regina revels in everything the princess doesn't hide quickly enough- the pain, the uncertainty, the anger. It is delicious, and her smirk widens. She almost expects Snow to shout 'it is not fair! My daughter is supposed to marry someone good and pure and who will make the choices for her'. But she just nods.

" That is ludicrous".

" No. Pixie dust, we used – ".

Regina narrows her eyes. " You asked that overgrown moth for help, I assume?"

" Don't insult Blue, she is- ".

" A deceitful snake with an agenda "

" She didn't even want to help. When I told her I needed to know my daughter's true love- ".

" Are you so eager to plan the wedding, Snow? My my, you truly enjoy forcing people into marriage , do you not?".

" That isn't what this is about " Snow snaps

" No? I would have expected you to have already planned the wedding, the honeymoon and how many children you expect them to have. You did chatter on about how a little sibling would be 'lovely', even before the charade that was my wedding ".

Snow's cheeks flush. Regina doesn't know whether it is out of shame or anger. She doesn't particularly care, as she is too busy regretting bringing it up. She would slump against the bars, squeeze her eyes shut and try to ban the images from her head , but she will not appear weak in front of the spoiled life-ruiner.

"I was just so happy- I thought you were the most wonderful person I had ever met, and - "

" Shut up"

" You never loved my father, did you?"

"Obviously "

" He was kind and good, but you did not love him".

For some reason, Regina bites her lips. She could tell Snow what her father was really like, what he was like whenever she was alone with him in the bedchambers, what he was like when there was anyone she got along with, what he was like when she asked for small things such as the permission to go out riding. She could shatter Snow's illusions, and quite easily break her heart. But for some reason, she doesn't.

"Is imprisoning me not enough? Now, you are also torturing me with both your voice, and the memory of that – " she cuts herself off, annoyed by the emotion in her own voice.

" Don't speak off my father that way! " Snow protests.

" I will speak of him however I want"

They are both silent for a while, Snow obviously stewing in anger and Regina studying her to figure out what exactly is going on her, when Snow calms down and inhales deeply. "You are imprisoned for the moment yes, but we will treat you well. You will be fed, and can even request baths and clothing"

" You truly have the heart of a saint, to not merely let me rot in an empty cell" Regina drawls

" The magic cuff will stay on, however, and don't try breaking it. Blue made sure it is indestructible"

" Of course the loathsome little insect did"

Snow glares at her, but maybe she does have _some_ sense because she does not bother correcting Regina. " How is your head?".

Regina glances at her. _Seriously?_ " Fine. Am I really supposed to believe you care?".

" I didn't want to hurt you Regina, I never did. No matter how awful you were, I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted it to _stop_ ".

Regina scowls. " So you could live out your happy ending with that empty-headed – "

" No, because you were _hurting_ people. Because everyone I cared for was constantly in danger, and you seemed- " Snow shakes her head. "I still don't understand what happened. I don't understand how you could change so much".

" I made the worst mistake of my life" Regina ignores the hopeful look in Snow's eyes. "I saved _you_ ".

Snow turns around. " I will sent someone in a few hours. Goodbye, Regina".

And before Regina can even hurl another insult at her, the princess is already gone. She suddenly realizes she still doesn't know what is going on with Snow's – probably equally insufferable- daughter. She doesn't know whether she cares-

 _True love._ She remembers Daniel, bright and sweet Daniel who ignored her status and broke all the rules when he kept trying to make her smile and laugh. Funny Daniel, who saw the mark mother had left that day, and made her forget all about it with self-deprecating humour. Caring Daniel, who embraced her and didn't tell her lies about how it would be all right or how she shouldn't cry, but just held on to her like he was trying to prevent all her broken pieces from falling. Daniel, who once said he could kiss her forever and who had approximately a million ways to tell her she was beautiful.

That was true love, and no one can be that. Daniel was _it_ – and Snow is an even bigger fool than Regina thought, if she thinks her spawn can ever come close to what Daniel made her feel.

* * *

Regina wakes from the nightmare, gasping and clutching her heart. For a moment, she actually thinks mother really _did_ take it but then she feels it beating furiously and relaxes. She leans against the wall and is just starting to calm down when the familiar voice makes her stiffen.

" Bad dream?"

She looks in the direction of the voice, and spots Maleficent sitting cross-legged with her back against the wall. She is arching her eyebrows and if Regina didn't know her so well, she would think she were indifferent. But she spots the concern, the same way she did whenever she woke from a nightmare in Maleficent's ( and sometimes, her own) bed.

" What are you doing here?".

" Your enemies decided to imprison me" she sounds vaguely amused. Which Regina is not surprised about, as Maleficent is often amused by humans. They have had discussions about it – mostly when Regina was still the eager student fascinated by a dragon- and most dragons seem to think humans are amusing. According to Maleficent , it is mainly because they have no fire and waste their lives on 'silly' things.

" They should not have been able to. You could have easily burned them" she comments, knowing it sounds accusing but not really caring. The dragon could have easily spared her this particular embarrassment.

" I did not wish to deprive you of the pleasure of hurting them " Maleficent casually comments.

" That is a bold lie. You did not support _my_ revenge" she throws back.

Regina is frustrated by how little emotion Maleficent shows. Just a year ago, the dragon would still have been honest about what she felt, but now she is back to what Regina thinks of as 'her teacher mask'. " I saw what it was doing to you".

" It was making me strong" she says

" No. It was making you unhappy, and it is foolish that you lost yourself to it like this Regina".

"You should understand. Did Briar Rose not take away your happiness? ".

Maleficent sighs. " You are not going to convince me Regina. My revenge was short-lived, and I realize it changed nothing. It did not give me the thing I wanted most, and all you will have if Snow perished, would be emptiness and regret".

" You have become weak" Regina accuses

" It is quite the opposite, my little fireball " Maleficent says, and Regina bristles. Maleficent has not called her that in years, not since she was a young woman looking up to her.

" Do you not care that your enemies are free to regain their happiness now?"

Maleficent shrugs. " You made them miserable for ages, and I appreciate the gesture but I no longer wish them pain like I once did".

" Does it not infuriate you, that they have love and happiness while _you_ have lost?".

Maleficent chuckles " I do not feel like I have lost "

Regina throws her a disgusted look. " You have. _She_ is married. And her daughter has found true love".

" Just like your enemies"

Regina grits her teeth. "Her marriage and happiness will not last, I can still – ".

" It is your last chance. The dark curse- it _did_ leave a terrible emptiness inside you, did it not?".

Regina stills. If she could use her magic, she would likely throw a fireball at Maleficent. " I am fine, dear".

" You are a gifted liar, but I have been around you during the dark curse" Maleficent says, arching her eyebrow.

"You know nothing " Regina spits

" The boy helped. But you were still unhappy, were you no – ".

" _You_ are weak and pathetic. Are you siding with them now? Attempting to deceive me, to convince me to surrender and allow Snow to enjoy her happy ending?".

Regina raises her head and glares when Maleficent gives her a glance and remains silent. Regina hates it when she does that, when she just sits there and looks at Regina with slight amusement or exhaustion or things Regina cannot even _name_ -

It makes her feel nineteen again, locked up in a room with a million expectations and duties and no one to understand her, or even listen.

"What has she promised you? What can she possible possess that you would want – surely Snow's little charade will not allow her to hurt that princess of yours?".

Maleficent is still silent, so Regina continues. She uses insults, sharp barbs, accusations. She knows some of Maleficent's deepest pains, has talked enough to her that she knows parts of why Regina found her beaten down and hopeless that first day, and she almost prods the wounds. At the last moment, she gives up and just settles down.

Waiting. Thinking. Wondering- and she starts pacing again, trying to channel her magic even though all it does is make her wrist feel like its bones are snapping. She refuses to believe this is _it_. Snow has to suffer. That is what she has lived for, once upon a time.

And she can't allow herself to wonder whether it is the right thing to live for.

* * *

Her hair is sticking to her forehead, her cheeks are flushed and she feels like she is wearing three layers of clothing in the midst of summer. She snaps her eyes open, and nearly jumps back. Fire. Fire everywhere, and for single glorious moment she thinks it is Maleficent, that Maleficent has escaped and set everything on fire-

But she is alone. Alone in an odd room with fire everywhere-

She thinks of the stories someone, a servant or perhaps a visiting nobleman or woman she doesn't really remember, used to tell about women and men who made terrible mistakes and would go to a land filled with fire after their deaths. She can't stop thinking about that when she takes careful steps around the room and –

Loud, interrupted coughs thankfully make her stop thinking of all the tales she has ever heard about rooms on fire and prices to pay. She squeezes her eyes, tries to see through all the wildly jumping flames in front of her. She gets little more than a glimpse, just enough to be fairly certain there is a person on the other side.

" Hello?" she calls out

The coughing stops. She manages another glimpse, and sees the person is standing up. She still can't really make out any features. " Hi " someone calls back, and Regina decides the voice is female.

" Did you bring me here?" it is meant to be a question, but Regina does not appreciate opening her eyes and being in a situation where she has no control and she is hot and possibly in danger. It comes out accusing.

She glares in the person's direction when she snorts. " Uh no. I am not exactly here because I like the sight of flames either lady".

" You could be more respectful " Regina snaps

" Because you are obviously made of respect and kindness".

Regina glares in the general direction of the woman, and turns around. Her dramatic exit is kind of ruined- which happens when you mutter a curse and have to jump backwards to avoid losing your eyebrows to fire that is blocking your exit.

" Everything all right? "the voice suddenly asks, slight amusement and irritation replaced with concern.

" I believe so".

" I believe- I am going to try to come your way "

" That is inadvisable unless you are incombustible"

Regina hears the sound of footsteps, which is when she realizes the insane woman is actually going to _try_. She turns around quickly, taking a small step back. " Do not be- " the fire reacts as if someone has poured oil on it before she can finish the sentence and she is thrown to the ground, annoyed and incredulous but fine otherwise.

" Uh. So that still doesn't work" the voice says, just when Regina is pushing herself up. " Are you okay? Sorry"

" I warned you it would not work, and you had _me_ thrown on the floor as well ".

She expects the person to argue, so she stares in their direction when they instead say " I just- I am stuck here already for a while, and it is starting to get on my nerves. I don't like being locked up, I _really_ don't " in an almost timid voice.

Regina's anger slowly drains away. " Why were you imprisoned? " she wonders. She looks around the room again, trying to decide where they are exactly. It is obvious that magic was used, but she is uncertain which spell or cursed was used exactly. Several come to mind.

" It sounds kind of stupid" the woman mutters

Regina rolls her eyes. " Just tell me".

" It is kind of a long story, but I was kind of running from a creep when this woman offered me a place to stay. Never look a gifted horse in the mouth, right? Except – I don't know how I missed it, but there was something off about her. And by the time I realized, we had already had dinner and she obviously put something in my drink because I passed out. Woke up here"

"Did you anger her?".

She can hear something. She grimaces; she is almost certain that the woman is gritting her teeth. "Listen, it is not my fault some asshole- ".

"Do not be daft. I am not accusing you, I am merely trying to understand _why_ she did this".

" Look, don't ask me. I didn't really expect it, and my lie detector didn't go off so I thought- "

" Lie detector?".

" Yeah" the woman says.

" _Lie detector_ " Regina repeats, perhaps with a bit too much annoyance but she does not like repeating herself. Queens should not have to repeat themselves, or wait for explanations.

" It's nothing. Just this – I am really good at telling when people are lying. I get this feeling, and even when people are generally being dishonest, I can usually tell"

" Is it magic?".

The woman snorts. " Nah. I like to think of it as my superpower, but it is not like I am using tarot cards or shit. I don't believe in any of that"

" You do not believe in magic?".

" I never did. I know there are magicians and psychics , but that is all tricks and deceit to get money".

Regina thinks of Rumpelstiltskin, and the dozen times he knew things he really shouldn't. Her best guards and most advanced magic couldn't usually keep things from him. " The gift of prophecy is rare, but it does exist".

The person is silent for a moment, then says "Hard to believe. Did the lady knock you out as well?"

" I have no idea. I am locked up, however ".

"Well, sharing misery is supposed to make it suck less, right?".

" I have no idea" she really doesn't. Her misery has never lessened, only been overpowered by emotions like rage.

"Guess we're going to find out"

They are both silent for a while, until Regina decides she has enough of the noises the other woman is making. " Will you desist making so much _noise_?" she snaps

" I am trying to get comfortable".

" On what? The hard, cold floor or the unforgiving, scorching flames? "

There is a quiet snort. "Good point"

There is another silence before the woman talk again. " Maybe we should make an escape plan".

"I do not have impervious skin, dear, and I prefer my face without gruesome scars".

"Okay, but we can't sit here forever either"

"If you are inclined to stand, fine, but refrain from pacing "

" Maybe I can try- "

" _No._ I do not wish to be thrown on the floor again".

There is a slight groan. " I want to get out of here"

" So do I, but I will not abandon common sense"

"Common sense would be getting out of here".

" Common sense would dictate that we do not carelessly throw ourselves in flames".

" Well what's your idea then?".

" I assume that someone will have to visit this place to give us food, which is when you will attack them".

" Why- fine"

Regina arches her eyebrow when , after a long silence, she hears what she identifies as clothing being torn off. " What are you doing?".

"Getting rid of some of these layers. It's way too hot".

There is something weird about the way Regina's stomach reacts. She pushes it down, and decides it is rage and annoyance at being stuck here. " Do not bother being polite, and not removing any clothing".

" You can't even see me".

" It is courteous to not remove your clothing in the presence of- ".

"Seriously what are you wearing that you can stand this heat?".

"Perhaps I just undergo difficult circumstances more gracefully than _you_ "

"oh fuck, is it one of those corsets that a lot of people here seem to wear? That doesn't seem comfortable"

Regina glances down at her own chest. She is actually wearing the same garb Snow has forced her into the other time she was a prisoner, except her hair is loose this time. " No. My usual clothing has been taken from me"

"I hate that about prisons. You can't even have your own clothing".

"You have been imprisoned?".

"Yeah"

" Why?".

" I used to be a thief. It's a long story actually".

" Well, my schedule seems to be cleared as I am imprisoned in a fire-filled room currently and thus _slightly_ unable to attend to my usual duties".

The woman laughs. Regina has the odd impression that this woman doesn't laugh often, or doesn't often have reasons to laugh. " So my tragic life story is just because you've nothing more important to do?".

" Saying yes would be rude".

" So yes. That makes it less awkward to tell, I guess".

"Then tell, dear".

Emma clears her throat. "Well, I am an orphan. My parents dumped me at the side of a road somewhere, either not caring that I could die or were just too stupid. I had a family until I was three, but they decided an actual, biological child was better so they sent me back"

Before the curse, Regina's chest was always tight. Her dreams were not dreams, but nightmares. Every woman with dark hair made her teeth grit and her skin burn, and every woman with even the slightest resemblance to her mother made her suddenly clumsy. Maleficent made her heart beat harder and her smile come a lot easier.

After the curse, everything was _less._

(there was only one thing that came close to being anything meaningful, and Regina knew it was still muted)

Now, there is this strange woman and suddenly Regina feels something again. Something more. It's in her chest and in her throat and she absentmindedly pushes her hand against the pressure points while she listens to the story.

" Anyways, things weren't so good after that. Sometimes, I had to stay in a foster home for a long time. Those are already pretty bad, because there is never enough. The food is gross and sparse, usually, and the clothing is the wrong size or there are no new ones until you are literally wearing rags. Everything is a fight, because that's the only way you get anything "

" Why would you stay there?".

" At first, I was too small to run. Later, I ran a few times but camping on the streets isn't good either. It depends on what home you're in, but usually the streets are worse " there is a short silence, before a quiet " you can't really sleep. You're never safe" is added.

And Regina gets that. She understands fear and apprehension and staying up partly because you are waiting for it and partly because you can't sleep knowing that it will happen as soon as you close your eyes.

"You are always waiting. You teach yourself to be silent during the moments you _can_ sleep, but you never truly rest" Regina says, in a tone that is hopefully indifferent.

"You sometimes wake up, and you've to check yourself for injuries in case you passed out afterwards and the nightmare wasn't just that".

"You sleep curled up, already protecting your insides as much as possible".

" You don't sleep at all, or try anyways".

They're both silent before the woman snorts. "Wow, aren't we a depressing bunch?".

" I suppose we are". Regina actually smirks, and it's easier than usual to think about her mom ( an art she has perfected is never thinking about Cora. A mantra she has adapted is to never think about whether her mother was a good person)

"So you an orphan as well, or were you just unlucky?".

" I have parents" is all Regina offers, only barely keeping herself from keeping to her habit, and tearing into the stranger for daring to suggest her parents are – that they- that she would be unlucky to have them

" Yeah, I should have them too but I guess they didn't think parents actually should hang around and raise their bundle of joy".

Regina arches an eyebrow, and smirks again. " They seem like idiots".

" I mean, I have never met them so it's hard to say but probably".

" They abandoned their daughter, so it is obvious"

The woman's voice is oddly hoarse when she answers. " Yeah?".

"Most definitely"

" That's – yeah, I agree. They're kind of idiots"

That's when it happens. One moment, Regina is actually more invested in a conversation with another adult than she can remember being for ages when the fire behind her suddenly parts, and a familiar voice makes her veins run impossibly cold.

" Regina" just the word, and it is more terrible than any dark curse and more effective at destroying happy endings as well.

" Mother?" she questions, staring at Cora. She is dressed in a dress Regina hates particularly, as it brings back memories of hay and soft lightning and a hand buried into his chest, and Daniel's lips cooling beneath hers.

"My dear, you did not think I would ever leave, did you silly girl? You need me to make the right choices for you, and I will always find you so I can make sure you do not just _throw away_ the life I have worked for".

" Mother- "

"Are you okay?" it is the mysterious captive's voice that makes Regina capable of doing anything but stare, horrified, at her mother and think ' _no no no_ ' . She struggles to put on the face she uses for royal balls, and rides to another town, and nearly every other activity. Everything in her is the opposite of indifference and boredom, everything is bad memories and 'yes mother, please mother, don't use magic mother'-

"Regina, why are you failing me? After everything I did for you, _why_ are you failing me?".

Regina nearly flinches, but manages to keep herself together. " You cannot be here, I ba- it is impossible" she says

" Oh darling, stupid girl. This is why you _need_ me"

"No, I – "

Cora is coming closer and Regina wants to hug her and wants to run and wants to apologize and wants to push her away. She just stares, lost and confused – _qué qué qué? –_ as Cora gets closer and closer, until she is reaching out-

There is a loud curse, and Regina's body is thrown back and she just has time to realize what happened when her entire body jolts and the fire room disappears. There's straw on the ground, a cot in the corner, a small bucket with water, and something that is probably meant to be used as a lavatory but she would sooner die than subject herself to the embarrassment-

Her inner monologue is interrupted when the heavy door of her cell is suddenly pushed open, and rough hands grab her arm and pull her outside. She looks at prince Charming, and chuckles. "Never thought you would actually think for yourself, shepherd. Or has the rabble voted for my execution, and you are just here for what your little wife cannot- "

"Shut up" he practically growls, and his grip tightens until it hurts. She could raise her voice, and Maleficent would wake and possibly destroy the fool. Or Snow would hear, and no doubt withhold a 'happy ending' for the shepherd for a while. Except Regina resents needing help, or appearing to need it.

And the fool really is disgustingly chivalrous, usually, so he likely will not hurt her.

She realizes she is wrong when he drags her through the castle, ignoring her remarks until finally covering her mouth with his palm and pulling her to a room that he pushes her into. She nearly falls on her knees, quipping 'Is that how you treat your daughter-in-law"

He gets in her face, so close that she cannot _not_ notice the dark bags beneath his eyes, and the tears in them. " I will never accept a monster like you for my daughter" he grits out

She shrugs, and tries to push him away. He grabs her hand and pulls her closer, and she smirks. "Looking for a little fun that isn't quite as _vanilla_ as your playtime with dear Snow must be?".

" I would never touch you".

" Well. Considering your little brat is- " she wishes for a million fireballs. She wishes for the power to make the ceiling give in, or grow stalactites that impale him. She wishes for the magic that would put him to sleep forever, or possibly turn him into a statue again.

He just pushed her to the ground, and got his sword out. The steel is now pressed against her neck, and her skin immediately goose bumps. She focuses on that instead of the pain of her knees hitting the floor, or her anger.

" You will help my daughter. Right now"

" No"

She nearly loses control but manages to keep her indifferent smirk in place at the last moment when he takes a handful of her hair and yanks her head back. The sword digs in a little more. " Snow won't want a prince with a darkened heart" she taunts

" You will help her" he insists, but his voice is feeble and she knows his hand is trembling.

"You are not _that_ gullible"

For a moment, the sword is digging in and there's pain. She fully expects it to be the end, but then there is a strangled sob and a clang! From the sword falling. She stares at it, and gently touches the bleeding cut on her throat.

She is alive.

And next to her, 'prince Charming' is crying noiselessly and not paying even the slightest bit of attention to his sword. It is the perfect opportunity, and she only needs five seconds to stand up and take the sword. The prince is looking up, she is raising the sword, ready to cut-

She makes the mistake of glancing to her left, and sees her. She is nothing like Regina expected. Even asleep, there is something stubborn about her, and something deviant. She wears an odd kind of armour, made of leather and a furious shade of red. She seems more knight than princess, although she does have the cliched blonde curls. She is gorgeous.

Regina even forgets the curse when her grip slackens, and the sword falls. Even with the magic cuff impairing her, she feels her magic buzz beneath her skin, like it's waking up. Her heart rate slows down, and her shoulders drop. Her pulse is steady when she slowly walks towards the princess, leaning over her.

She wants to know her eye colour, suddenly, desperately, crazily. And her laugh- she wants to hear that. And- she wrenches her head back, then laughs cruelly. She brushes away some of the blonde hair falling into the woman's eyes, more tenderly than she meant to.

" I will never wake your daughter" she says, pretending like she was baiting prince Charming all along. He buys it, like she knew he would, and she slams her foot down on his at the exact moment he tries to drag her back. He lets out a howl of pain, but his grip just tightens. He drags her back, away from the princess whose presence she can actually _feel_

She allows herself one look over her shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own OUAT. Warning: during the last scene, there is a scene about assault which is kind of ambiguous and can be interpreted as a scene about sexual assault as well.**

The first time, being locked up was hopelessness and revenge and her heart racing even though she told it 'it doesn't matter'. This time, it is monotony and unanswered barbs and nightmares. She sleeps, and there are hands reaching from the earth to pull her down, filling her mouth with earth and blood and then there's Daniel's face and she wakes with her heart feeling like it's filled with spikes that ram into its walls with every beat. She is awake, and Maleficent won't answer her questions or react to her accusations so she just paces and thinks and tugs on that damned cuff until her wrist is chafed.

It is six days – she thinks- of these little rituals repeating when she wakes, and she is there. She wakes, and stares right into golden eyes. Anyone else would startle, but Regina has gotten used to them the past 28 years.

" Wolf" she just says, and Red slowly morphs and steps into the light. She keeps her distance, although she shifts like she wants to put her hand through the bars.

" Hey" Red replies. Regina can make out a slight flush to the girl's cheeks in the light.

" Does your master know you are here, little pet?" she says, as cutting and condescending as possible. She sneers as well, staring at Red like she is a cockroach that somehow managed to enter her bedroom. _Traitor- no, she is not even that. She is less than that, and I am not weak enough that I valued her._

For a moment, it seems like Red will leave. Her shoulders droop slightly while she grits her teeth, and her fur would probably be standing on end while her ears would be drooping if she were in her other form. But she inhales and then says " She isn't my master. She wa- _is_ friend"

" She uses you for her own selfish purposes. She does not accept your gift, she misuses it and will – "

" Are you talking about yourself now? "Red cuts in

" _I_ accepted your gift, cherished it even"

"But you are- " Regina stares at her for a moment, watch the silent fight that Red is obviously having with herself. " Evil"

" I am _not_ \- " she actually falters and there's an odd pain in her chest that almost has her believe Snow would really go the extra mile, and have her heart ripped out. But the little 'pure' princess could never do that, although the little bitch would no doubt find some excuse to justify it. " I am not evil. It is a title I never chose for myself"

Red leans against the wall, chuckling bitterly. " Like that matters. Doesn't change what you did. Doesn't change what you had me do" there's a certain pain, a haunting kind of sort in Red's eyes that Regina has never seen before. Red was always comfortable, trusting and – she wasn't like this around Regina. That is all.

"If that really was not you, you would not have obeyed my commands" Regina says, forcing a smirk. She can't let the wolf know that her odd magic is working, that Regina doesn't feel what she should feel. " You and I are not dissimilar"

" That is what you use to tell me" Red suddenly pushes herself off the wall, and shakes her head. Regina is reminded of a night shortly before the curse started to break. There had been a trip to some village, she doesn't even remember the reason, and they had to stop somewhere in the forest. Red had been out, and she had returned still in wolf form and shaken the rain from her fur. Regina had scolded her and been harsh and unforgiving, but Red still had pressed close to her when she got cold. It had been a good night.

"It is the truth " Regina says

" Okay, but- I am not bad. I am not- what I did during your curse, that's not who I am"

Regina sneers again " Are you just here to assuage your guilt? "

" No "Red says, looking down briefly before meeting Regina's eyes " I am not that stupid"

"Wolf- " Red freezes, in the middle of a departure when Regina lets it slip. She doesn't know why, she just knows she doesn't want her to leave. She tells herself because the girl can be useful to her, can give her things she needs. But a small voice, suspiciously like Cora's, whispers 'weak' regardless of what she tries to tell herself.

" Is this really what you want for yourself? " Red doesn't turn, but Regina knows she's paying the utmost attention. " The – _Snow_ might seem to accept you now, but she is justifying the curse years the way you are. What happens as soon as she figures out that there is an ugly part of you, a part that good and _pure_ Snow White could never understand, much less accept?"

" That won't happen. She loves me- the way I love her" Red turns around slowly, and Regina should feel vindicated at the tears she knows are there even though her once-ally is standing in the shadows. " You don't understand that, but she won't let me down. She never has"

Regina chuckles. " Believe what you wish, my dear. We will discover the truth soon enough"

Red stares at her for a while, before her eyes harden. She's seen that look on her head of guards before. It's the same one she gets before uncooperative villagers, or arrogant royals that look down on Regina. " Yes. We will" she just says, and walks away.

It takes Regina a while to categorize her feelings, the ones that are the cause of her body's rebellion, and as soon as she does, she decides she is wrong and she will never allow herself to feel that. It is weak. It is weak, it is weak, it is weak.

She repeats it in her head until she mutters it in her sleep.

* * *

She is alone for a long time after that, and she can't sleep.

( the truth is, she doesn't want to)

She sits pressed against the wall, and paces, and curses in her head, devises curses in her head so foul that she is terrified of the ideas herself, then pushes it down – _because she deserves it._ Her magic cannot rise up, but it's not silent either. It's as agitated as the rest of her, and it hurts to have it like this. Usually, when there's too much rage and hatred, _she can let it out._ But now her magic is trapped, and it is punishing her for it. It's a toxic cocktail of entrapped magic, bad memories and worse thoughts and Regina's body feels like several horses ran over it by the time she collapses into sleep.

And wakes up surrounded by fire, heat and ash.

She coughs , long and raspy because of the smoke she inhales with that first startled breath. She blinks furiously, her eyes tearing up already but it takes several seconds before she can see anything. The heat is something she notices last, first because of the sweat she can already feel glide down her back and then because it is burning her cheeks.

It has been a long time since Regina was afraid. Her mother was gone and the king was, too. Her magic could protect her from all else. There was no reason to be afraid, not as soon as she gave in to the thoughts she had and decided to take control off her own life. But now she is afraid. She is confused and her magic won't react and there's fire everywhere.

She feels sixteen again, clutching her bedsheets and trembling because mami was so mad and she promised Regina that she would stop by after dinner ( the dinner Regina hadn't been allowed to had) and she knew what would happen.

That feeling only disappears when the voice speaks again. " Hey, lady?" it calls out hesitantly, and Regina slowly calms.

"Yes, I am here" she answers, her voice thankfully calm and dry, thankfully normal.

" Okay, good. You okay?"

" Once again, I am trapped in a room of fire. Do you believe me to be someone who enjoys that?"

" I meant because of what happened last time" the voice responds and Regina somehow knows the woman is rolling her eyes.

" I am perfectly fine"

" Are you- "

" Are you always prying into other people's lives like this?"

" Yeah, I am kind of always trying this thing – I call it 'basic human decency' . I know it's awful" the woman immediately replies, sounding annoyed but less so than Regina expected. For some reason, she is smiling before she can tell herself the woman is not funny, isn't anything but a thorn in her side.

" Well, you do not have to attempt to be like that around me. I do not need anyone asking asinine questions"

"All right. Fine"

There's a long silence, apart from the sound of the fire. With every second that passes, Regina feels herself become more – she doesn't know what it is exactly. Just that her muscles are tensing and her stomach is kind of acting like there's something toxic in it and her cheeks are flushing from more than just the heat.

" I- " she doesn't know what she would've said, the woman interrupts before she can finish

"You left"

" What an astute observation"

" Gods, you are an asshole " the woman mutters it, but Regina can still hear it and she scoffs and is about to reply when the woman says "How could you leave?"

Regina is about to admonish the woman and answer in the same breath when she realizes she still has no idea what is going on here. Except- " I woke up" she mutters

"What? " the woman laughs and Regina wants to protest because it isn't a happy one and she wants it to be happy and that is _ridiculous._ " This isn't some dream, lady"

"Not to you" she answers, absent-mindedly. If this is a dream to her, but some sort of curse to the – No. It cannot be. Can it?

" Okay now you're just not making sense anymore"

"What is your name"

"And I was just- why do you want to know?"

" Your name"

" Listen lady, I am starting to think- "

" I could help you" If she is right, she is not even lying. If she is right, Regina is the only one who could help (if pixie dust is right. If an impossibility is actual real).

" I am not giving you my name, what do you want with it?"

The woman is insufferable, but a small part of Regina is also very pleased that she at least doesn't blindly trust people. That's a valuable thing, one Regina wish she had had when she was still a girl in love. " Fine. Are you Emma?"

The woman obviously jumps to her feet and Regina cannot see her, but she knows she is glaring. She can hear it in Emma's voice. " Who the fuck are you?"

" My name is Regina " she almost hesitates to say it, which is ludicrous as well. She doesn't have a true love, Snow is wrong. And if she is not, she refuses to care for Snow's spawn. She refuses to give the woman happiness.

"Fine, _Regina_. Why do you know my name?"

" Everyone does" they do. As soon as the first cracks in her curse appeared, she had heard whispers of that name. It was everywhere, on the market, on the lips off half-mad men and women and even in her castle.

Emma scoffs. " Great" she mutters, but she sounds less suspicious and Regina tries to ignore her own feelings, her feelings that do not make sense and should not be.

" Are you not overjoyed that the people know and love you?" she asks, then scolds herself for asking such an inane question, something she shouldn't wonder about. She never understood the people's infatuation with this woman's bloodline, not with the look in the king's eyes and the way Snow didn't blink twice as people lost their freedom and their happiness for her.

" No, it's creepy. And I – I don't want any of this shit" Emma exhales slowly. " It's insane, all this people counting on me and all this bullshit that shouldn't be real"

Regina should be overjoyed that the woman seems so reluctant to embrace her destiny, that she doesn't want to be what Snow thinks she should be. It could very well break Snow's heart. But there is that damned understanding, and she whispers " I understand the feeling" before she can stop her weak, pathetic self.

 _Two weeks living in capture, and two conversations with this person and you are mellowing? She is Snow's spawn, she is someone to despise._ She wants that rage, wants to loathe Emma as much as she loathes what Snow has done- no, Snow herself. Snow is the monster that destroyed Regina's future, that trapped her with a man who thought she was nothing besides what she could do for his daughter, and him.

She can't feel anything but loathing for a woman who comes from the same person- " I don't think you do"

Regina makes a sound of incredulity. " Believe what you will"

" It's just- " Emma's breath hitches. " I never had much good in my life, it was always just me, trying to take care of me. And now I get here and I am supposed to be happy that there are all those people who want me to fight for them? That's bullshit"

" I don't know why I am telling you this"

" It is not like there is anyone to tell this to"

Emma chuckles "I guess" there is silence against for a while, all she can hear Emma moving like she is trying to get comfortable. Or maybe it's because she is nervous (she sounds nervous) " Are you also supposed to save a kingdom?"

The irony of that question almost makes Regina smile. " No"

" What kind of bullshit fate did you have , then?"

" I had to marry a rich person with enough power that my mother would be pleased" she says. She intended to have her voice smooth, steel and stone so everyone knows she is strong and she is indifferent and no one can hurt her. (it shakes and wavers)

"That's messed up"

She almost says 'I had to be angry and in pain. I had to lose everything'. She knows now Rumple used her, that he just needed her for his curse and never did a damn thing to help her. That was a part of her fate, too. " It is not unheard off, although my mother was particularly…. Determined"

" Your mother sounds like a jerk"

" She had a very clear idea of what my future was supposed to look like". Regina will not defend her mother, but she will not allow people to judge her, either.

" You should get to decide that for yourself "

"Yes, well- " she doesn't know how to react to that. She is enraged with herself for sharing the information, for being anything but harsh and unforgiving around this woman. She just seems so different though, there is none of the self-righteousness, none of that stubborn belief that she is right and good and the world isn't if it things differently from her-

(she seems to understand Regina)

It almost makes sharing natural.

" What the- " she is shaken from her internal monologue when Emma lets loose a stream of curses and her voice suggests she is either hurt or scared or both. Regina is getting to her feet without thinking, rushing towards the fire without thinking, worrying for Emma without thinking. She can't stop any of it and she peers through the fire and-

There's an indistinct shape, something that looks like a man- no, a woman , a girl, a – dozens of people changing into each other, dozens of voices changing in the middle of a sentence, and fists as well as leers and things Regina doesn't understand but maybe her stomach does because it tries to push everything in it up her throat

She pushes it down, and her eyes move to the left without conscious thoughts, reacting like there's a force pulling them there. It's Emma, and she is glorious and painful and different. The way she carries herself, it is still that strength Regina spotted when Charming dragged her to his daughter. But her eyes are open ( Regina wants to get closer, she wants to see all the shades, no she doesn't, she wants nothing to do with this woman) and terrified.

Regina tries to use magic, and it doesn't work. She isn't angry and hurt and determined so her magic won't listen. She won't get to it, especially not because it might not even work here. She stumbles back when the flames suddenly rear up, and she loses sight of Emma for a while. She curses in her mind, curses at herself for caring but Emma's voice is –

She grabs the fire without thinking and _pushes._

She didn't even know it was possible but one moment, she is trapped behind a wall of fire and the next there's an opening and she sees a block of fire move towards the shape threatening Emma and crash into it.

Emma stares at it. Regina stares at her.

Emma looks up, slowly, and Regina knows with absolute certainty she is going to get a smile. A true, breath-taking-

She wakes up in a very uncomfortable position on a prison bed, cradling her hand which is hurting like Hell. Her heart is still racing and there's something not unlike disappointment (and even more impossible, heartbreak) hurting her more than the burn on her hand.

 _Weak._

* * *

Snow visits what might be two days later. Regina hadn't expected her, not after the last time. ('if you are my daughter's love, there _must_ be good in you' Snow had said, with desperate eyes and a heartbroken expression that should've elated Regina) But Snow has always been stubborn, and relentless. Mostly, she had been raised to believe she had a right to everything.

Regina expects that is why she is here, to demand that Regina wakes her daughter and calmly accepts her death afterwards. Regina does not care much for her own life, but she refuses to give Snow everything. She is steeled for threats, pleads, negotiation

Instead, Snow completely stuns her. " I just wanted you in my life so badly" she whispers, after what feels like hours of silence for Regina. She looks up, rags under her – slightly red- eyes and looking like at half of the curse years have suddenly been added to her life " You were so bright and kind-hearted. And I - " she shakes her head.

" I am not interested in your self-pity" Regina spits

Snow just stares at her, and Regina wants to yell at her, wants to mock her for her tears and all the weakness they embody. Wants to tell her she is wrong and stupid and doesn't know _anything._ Doesn't even know what her father did, what Cora did, what Snow herself did.

" I am sorry for what happened to you. I _loved_ you. I never wanted you to be hurt"

" Am I supposed to believe that?"

" They are still asking for your execution, Regina. If I cannot prove there is good in you, that they will not be harmed, I- "

Regina smiles " You are terrified, are you not?" Snow stares at her. " Not for me, of course not. But for your _brat_ \- " Regina has learned to act very well, and pretending like she holds the same disdain and hatred for Emma as she does for her mother is manageable. Not that it means anything. It means nothing. "It must torture you, knowing that all those people asking for my death, are also asking you to sacrifice your daughter a second time"

"Why would you refuse yourself this?" Snow whispers.

" Because if she wakes, I will give you everything you have ever wanted" Regina says. _And everything will have been for nothing._

Snow shakes her head. " She is your true love, she is- "

" My true _love_ lost his life because of you. I watched his heart turn into dust and I held his body into my arms. Everything good in my life ended that day, and it was all because of you"

"Regina" she almost mocks Snow, sneering at the way Snow approaches her ( like a spooked animal) and the way she looks at her and the way she brought guards but told them to stand back. She is so _obtuse._

" You can have that again. I am _offering_ it to you"

" Your brat is not my true love and if she were- " Regina gets as close to the bars, to Snow, as possible " I would rip her heart out and crush it in front of you regardless"

"28 _years_. Is all the loss and heartbreak not enough, why can't you just _end_ it and be happy?"

" I cannot be happy" 28 years and love is not enough to heal what the dark curse took. " Not when _you_ are"

" Do you think I am happy that it is you?" Snow whispers, and Regina almost laughs at how ashamed she sounds. "Outside, there are hundreds of people screaming for your head. You have destroyed their families, taken their love ones and I am pleading for your life because I cannot lose my daughter a second time"

Regina smirks. "They will finally see you for what you are. _Selfish_ "

" In this case, yes I am selfish. I had to give her up, had to give everything I loved up, and I am not doing it again. Not unless I know there is no hope" Snow hardens, her voice raising and her eyes still wet but also something very familiar to Regina

(she used to see it in the mirrors of Leopold's castle)

Snow swallows and all the angry words Regina wants to say fade as she raises her head and proudly- _proudly_ , the idiot- admits " Not unless I know I really am a fool for still believing in you"

Regina doesn't rage, this time. She doesn't even mock Snow and she could wonder why she allows the woman to walk away shortly thereafter without ripping into her. She could, but she won't. She thinks she knows the answers, and she doesn't want them to be true.

So she doesn't allow herself to think about it.

* * *

Weeks pass.

Maleficent says very little, and remains convinced that Regina should give up on revenge. Regina only manages to get a rise out of her, once. She doesn't know why, there was some comment about children and loss and suddenly Maleficent was halfway into a transformation and their cells were on fire. They talk even less afterwards and Regina does not dwell on how that hurts. She just pushes it down, always pushing everything down, because emptiness is better than _Daniel's death her marriage Snow her mother murder the Mad hatter that-_ emptiness is so much better and she can't really choose anyways.

She talks very little in general, or at least she does in waking hours. When she falls into restless sleep, she sometimes is fortunate enough to wake up in a fire-filled room instead of in the midst of another nightmare. Those moments are not just a welcome break in her routines, but also something she has attempted not to treasure, fought against herself for, and still catches herself looking forward to. She excuses it by telling herself that it is just because they are better than nightmares.

This time, however, she thinks it is a nightmare.

A slow hissing, and heavy footsteps. Hands on her body, something sharp against her neck, pain and blood- and then she wakes, with a sudden lurch, and stares right into hate-filled, unfamiliar eyes. She pushes and bites the hand that covers her mouth, but they just grab her and her head spins seconds after her attacker has rammed it against the wall. Again. And again.

She can feel the blood on her face, and on her neck but that isn't what makes her breaths shorter and her vision darken. It isn't the hand on her mouth either, or the way those eyes look at her. It's the body on top of her and the constraint and how she desperately reaches for her magic and she can't do anything. It's a hand in her hair and the other one pressing down harder.

There's a migraine and her body betraying her, getting weaker and weaker until she barely manages to fight against that person on top of her. She feels the cold steel at her neck, and struggles to look indifferent, refusing to give them the satisfaction. There are no last thoughts, just this sense of remorse –

And then the body is suddenly off her and she gasps and coughs and gags. There are sounds of a struggle she ignores, completely preoccupied with taking greedy breaths of air and trying not to throw up. Her body heaves and trembles and burns – and then there are hands gently holding her hair back and even more gently pulling her against a warm body.

She tries to get away, and realizes – stark and embarrassing and stunning- that she is crying when the person behind her wipes away her tears. It isn't full on sobbing, they aren't even many tears, but Regina still doesn't understand that they are there at all. That confusion is probably why she reacts so oddly when she turns around and sees the familiar face, the one she couldn't escape in the castle, that she saw almost every night, nightmares and bedtime stories and all the other reasons Snow gave for why she really, really had to be in Regina's bed.

Now, it is the other way around. Snow has still come to her, but it is Regina who needed her. It is Regina who caves, for a second, and almost returns the hug. Before realizing what she is doing and escaping Snow's arms.

" What-"

Regina finally looks at her attacker- on the ground, weapon next to them. She doesn't need to get near them to know they are- _She killed-_ And she could hurt Snow with it, hurt her by reminding Snow that this person probably loved her, probably would've done anything for her but-

She feels compelled not to.

She flinches when Snow suddenly stands and turns around. But all Snow does, is stare at the body on the ground. There's the regret and sadness Regina expected and before she can sort out what exactly she is feeling about it, Snow is already gone.

Red arrives quickly after that, positioning herself in front of the cell as soon as the body is removed. Despite her cloak, she shivers and Regina manages to convince herself she finds the sound of her teeth shattering just annoying and that is why she throws the blanket over Red.

They don't talk about it.


End file.
